There is a component of privilege at play here too.  I should mention that sooner than later.  I’ve always struggled with the concept of privilege.  I’ve rejected it my whole life.  Growing up in Iran makes you really see the corrupting power it can have if perspective is lost.  It usually is.  I never accepted that I had any privilege;  all my friends had real wealth and in comparison, I was the poor kid flying first class around the world with them.  I’m just figuring this out, yet it’s obvious to everyone around me.  I can’t just ignore it anymore and pretend like I’m not what I am.  Accepting it means a lot of things, and I’ve found a way to live with myself and rationalize this reality.  My kind, my people, my tribe, my colleagues… I won’t put the label on it yet… but we, are uniquely different.  Our energy is more powerful.  We are faster, stronger and more determined.  We have an internally imposed value system that inspires trust.  I’m not saying we’re better people and we deserve more.  It just turns out that we get more because of how we are.  We can change the world to our liking and our nature provides us with abundance to do so.  I need to accept this and take ownership of my privilege.  You’d understand more if you had read the breakup proposal chapter, but I’m waiting to write that until we have a bit more confluence… it’s coming and it’s funny.  Yeah, I can see in to the future, but everyone can if they look up just for a couple of minutes.  It’s not magic.

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September 11th will never leave me alone.  I’m a middle-aged middle-eastern man, sitting on a plane, crying.  Hiding under my leather jacket, illegally smoking an electronic cigarette with small clouds of vapor escaping my one man tent.  I wish I was doing this to scare the white privileged men around me, but this is as involuntary as it gets.

Between wiping my tears are moments of extreme joy and laughter.  One month and three weeks ago, my mother committed suicide.  I have never felt so alive, alone or dead to the world.  I flew across the globe to find her replacement in the form of a lover… or I guess to be accurate, a mail order bride.  I’m headed back empty handed, but I’ve built a fantasy that will keep me sated for another two weeks or so.  

I’ve always been good at convincing others of almost anything.  This week at work, I made a very convincing argument that the development of the biggest project started in the last three years had to be centered in our Prague office.  It does not matter that there is a 7 hour time difference with the development team, and a 9 hour time difference with the management team.  It also does not matter that we only have one person working on this project in Prague, and she just started.  This is the way it had to be.  I really need to get in to sales.

One thing that needs to be made clear sooner than later is that very few people can tell if I’m serious or joking.  There was one girl who got it immediately, and you can read that story shortly in the breakup proposal bit, as soon as I write it.  I had convinced everyone, including myself mostly, that I’m going to find a mail order bride.  Putin is putting a nice scare in to the Ukrane right now, and all the lovely ladies of the region are now on sale.  A smart beautiful educated lady that would cost you 60-100k should now only be 12k.  I can’t resist a good deal.  I have an inner jew that is hard to kill, I got that from my witch doctor mother. She loved thrifting and I try to do it anywhere except for yard sales… that was her territory. 

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